Cultivating Healthy and 'Fruitful' Relationships
Craig and Vanessa Holliday
by Craig Holliday
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23
What makes for a strong relationship? During my quiet time of reflection, the answer came to me -- the “fruit of the Spirit.” The Apostle Paul discusses the “fruit of the Spirit” as nine virtues in the book of Galatians. And, as I thought about these virtues, I realized my marriage is the strongest when these virtues are in full effect and the weakest when they are absent. It is my belief that the “fruit of the Spirit” reveals our relationship with Christ and should be evident in our marriage and dating relationships. Couples intent on building and maintaining strong healthy relationships will want to make the cultivation of these “fruits” their priority.
The “fruit of the Spirit” are virtues that are cultivated as we grow in our faith journey. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are needed as we become more grounded in our relationship with Christ. I believe that when a couple is dating and cultivating a purposeful relationship, the virtues that are considered spiritual (love, joy, and peace) will become more evident in how they engage each other.
As we grow in love, we experience joy and inner peace because of our trust and confidence in the Lord. The Spirit develops patience or long-suffering, kindness, and goodness towards others when faced with various challenges. Our faithfulness in our relationship with the Lord becomes stronger, we become gentler toward others and exercise self-control/discipline in our personal life.
As a couple continues to cultivate a Christ-centered relationship, they experience the transformation and healing of their hearts from previous life experiences, which develops into mutual love and respect towards each other. By individually cultivating a loving relationship with Christ, He can give them the capacity to cultivate a loving relationship with each other the way He intended. They can accept and appreciate the process that Christ is taking them through as He brings healing to the spiritual and emotional trauma they may have experienced from their past. The virtue of love that is produced is agape love, which transcends race, culture, and economic status. Christlike love becomes the lens by which they filter their relationship and interaction with one another.
When considering the failed relationships I experienced before making a commitment to Christ, I realize that there was no evidence of love in my life. I went from one broken relationship to another without considering what caused the relationship to fail. When I started developing a deeper relationship with Christ and experiencing His love, I began to realize the spiritual and emotional baggage I carried into all my relationships. Accepting His love brought healing which allowed me to experience self-love. His love has given me the capacity to love my wife and others.
A couple can experience the virtue of joy because of the cultivation of the spiritual virtue of love in their individual lives. The joy they experience is deeper than happiness which fluctuates based on feelings, emotions, and circumstances. The joy they experience is based on the confidence that Christ is in the center of their relationship. It goes beyond the happiness the world has to offer and is often very difficult to express verbally.
They can experience an inner peace within their heart and spirit because of the mutual love and respect they continue to cultivate in their relationship. As they invest time and work through the challenges that all purposeful relationships experience, they become more confident that he or she has their best interest at heart because of the direction in which the relationship is headed. The cultivation of these virtues in their relationship becomes evident to family, friends, and others whom they encounter regularly.
We know that in our individual relationship with the Lord we sometimes feel overwhelmed, which may cause us to waver in our faith because of life’s challenges. We should be mindful that we can sometimes experience these same feelings in our marriage or dating relationships. However, as it is in our individual relationship with Christ, we stay the course and navigate through each challenge we encounter. These virtues compel us to surrender everything to obedience to Christ and, in doing so, we have the roadmap to cultivating healthier, stronger, and lasting relationships.
Run to Win,
Craig Holliday
Craig Holliday is a pastor, speaker, and mentor. He is an associate pastor at the Brooklyn Tabernacle, where he leads among other things, the men’s ministry. He has been married to his beautiful wife Vanessa for over 20 years.
